The Day I Kicked Perfectionism to the Curb and Got Real
It was a day like any other day, the sun was shining on my perfectly manicured lawn and I was heading towards my recently detailed car with my to do list in hand. I had decided the night before just how my day would go…I had lived this day a thousand times before; each time striving to get everything done and appear to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect employee and the perfect friend. After all, as long as people believed I had it all together that’s all that mattered. Of course, I knew the truth but I kept my flaws deeply hidden, I distracted myself and others by doing and going. I was living the life, or so I thought. I showed people only what I thought they wanted to see and on some level I began to believe my own façade. I had carved out a niche for myself – I was the one who had it together.
But somehow this day became like no other. In the midst of my hustle and bustle, I paused long enough to notice a Wonder Woman figurine. She was standing on the shelf with her perfect figure, lasso on her hip, crown on her head and a smile on her face. I wondered how her hair stayed perfectly in place as she lassoed the truth out of someone, how did she maintain a smile while running full steam down the street fighting crime, how did she do it all? I was then reminded of one very important fact. Wonder Woman was fictional – Diana Prince was the real person. Wonder Woman was the inner strength of Diana personified. I paused for a moment and considered the character of Diana Prince, she didn’t smile all the time, she didn’t have a crown, she wore glasses, she wore her hair pulled back in a practical manner, she showed a wide range of feelings and she was the brains behind Wonder Woman.
That thought continued to pursue me as I completed my evening chores until at last, the kids were in bed, my husband was watching TV and I was alone in my bedroom. I considered my own fictional life of perfection and began to understand why I was so tired all the time, why I felt disconnected from authentic relationships and why my life had become such a constant struggle for approval and perfection.
A wise friend once told me that “We’re human beings not human doings.” That never really left me and I had a feeling I was ready to learn more about that saying. I began writing about my heart’s true desires and vowed to have some stern talks with the judgmental and self-critical parts of me.
As the days went on, I stood up to the perfectionistic panel in my head and gave them a piece of my mind. I told them, I’d had enough of their bullying and I created space for grace and self-compassion. I wish I could tell you that the perfectionistic panel has disbanded but I can tell you that they hold much less power in my daily life.
The day I allowed room for humanness was the day I started living. To my surprise, my joy returned as I practiced being truly present during my day, my zest for life returned as I noticed the “small” things in life, and my wonder returned as I walked mindfully in nature. Something else started happening as well…my friendships changed, they deepened and I found that other women were struggling as well. We began having genuine conversations, we felt loved, empowered as true Wonder Women. We began laughing from our bellies, crying when we were moved and supporting one another.
I wish I could tell you that perfectionism was a one time fix. But the truth is, It’s a daily commitment to myself and to life. I start each day with a meditative exercise, I then spend time stretching, talking and listening to my body. It isn’t about wearing the latest work out clothes or going to the trendiest yoga classes; it’s about centering myself and becoming one with my soul. I spend time in nature, I spend time noticing and appreciating the details of life.
I’ve changed the way I talk to myself – instead of believing the critical thoughts about myself; I’m learning to observe the thoughts without attaching to them; I’m learning to wait for the truth of the matter – of who I am to emerge. On days when I’m running late; instead of saying I’m sorry I’m late I say "Thank you for waiting for me. " Instead of saying today I have to – I say "Today I choose to or today I get to". Instead of wondering what others are thinking about me; I’m realizing that most people aren’t thinking about me at all and if they are judging me; I know that they are hardest on themselves and I feel compassion for them. When another person feels the need to criticize me or attempt to make me feel less than; I simply respond with a smile and “Your opinion has been noted.”; but usually I just ignore the comment knowing that it has no bearing on my life. I no longer defend, excuse or explain The other day, I added to my journey by creating truth cards/dear self cards.
I use stickies, but feel free to use whatever you want. I put on each sticky the truth about me. or insights I am learning...like "I'm worthy of love”, “Small things matter”, “Life is amazing”, “Wherever I am, I am all there.” You get the drift.
My life is a journey of ups and downs, of highs and lows by my oh my am I learning and it feels great to be alive! Turns out my life was never about anyone else; it’s always been and always will be about giving to others the authentic pieces of me and leaving footprints of me all over this world!
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